Wassup my ninjas. I’m back at this writing shit again and it’s time for me to talk about something that’s been on my mind for quite some time.
This series will talk openly and frankly (as is my style) about the various forms of bullshit that we real software ninjas have to deal with when working this these dumb-ass, poser, fake-ass, no-skill-havin’, lame duck, coding-muhfukkas.
Part one of this joint is about how bullshit manifests itself in the form of laziness.
Sometimes one of the best qualities you can have as a developer is laziness. This has been one of the single-most influential factors in many of the technology advances that we enjoy today. The drive to find an easier way to do something has had a profound effect on our entire civilization. The relentless pursuit of a less cumbersome way has paid (and will continue to pay) huge dividends in our craft.
But when does this become bad for a real software ninja?
It becomes bad when it turns into slothfulness. In other words, when you’re so fukkin lazy that you resort to bullshit. Your code is bullshit, your mentality is bullshit, your entire approach is wrapped up in bullshit and because of this, no one wants to work with you so they can avoid all of your bullshit.
In other words, you don’t do shit, don’t wanna do shit, and don’t contribute shit but a bunch of bullshit.
It’s not difficult at all to know which of these is in play at any given time. It all boils down to answering a very simple question. Are you avoiding work while making meaningful contributions or are you avoiding work without contributing shit in return.
If you’re avoiding work but still using your programming powers to make meaningful contributions to the work being done, then that’s obviously good and we all luv you for it.
Because the work still gets done and you still contributed to it. In this scenario, the most likely outcome is that you found a way to work smarter instead of harder. Maybe you found a more simple solution to a complex problem that didn’t require as much programming or complexity. Or maybe you refactored into some handy design pattern to make future changes much more efficient. There are literally hundreds of ways to avoid the initial statement of work and still accomplish the end goal.
And that’s the point. The end goal is still accomplished and you contributed to it and you found a way to do so while avoiding the work that you didn’t wanna do.
If you’re not using your coding powers at all and you don’t care how (or even if) the work gets done, then you’re on bullshit.
The key here is that you’re just avoiding the work completely. You’re not personally doing it and don’t care if it gets done… all you care about is making sure that it’s not you that’s doing it.
In this scenario, there’s some task that the team has been assigned and you don’t want to do your part. So you probably moan and whine until either someone else does it instead or the work goes away entirely. The point is that you don’t find an easier or better way to do it. You just avoid it entirely at the expense of someone else. This is pure and utter bullshit.
You’re not using your powers at all which is equivalent to using them for evil as far as your team and organization is concerned.
Some lame muhfukka doesn’t wanna do some task that needs doing so he tells the team that he’s struggling with some bug that’s hard to reproduce or some feature that has turned out to be much more complicated than he originally thought. So he ends up spending all of his time on that until someone else does the work that he didn’t wanna do. Also, he usually resists all offers to pair with others to help him with whatever he was “struggling” with.
In our professional lives, all of us have to do some things that we’d rather not. When the team or organization depends on you to get shit done, then get it done. Get off that bullshit man.
Try to improve things when and where you can, but never punish others for you bullshit.
Grow the fukk up or take ur dumb-ass home.
Once you’ve recovered from this one and you’re ready for more of the real, check out part two here.